Have you ever watched your child get excited about trying something new, only to see that excitement quickly turn into frustration when things don’t go the way they expected? Maybe they’re trying to build something, draw a picture, put together a puzzle, ride a bike, or learn a new skill. They have an idea in their head of what they want to do, but their hands, body, or abilities aren’t quite cooperating yet. And suddenly, something that started out fun isn’t so fun anymore. This happened recently with Levi (my toddler). I had gotten him a new dry-erase board, and he was excited to use it. He was trying to connect the dots to make a picture, but it wasn’t coming together the way he wanted. He kept trying, getting frustrated, and trying again. Eventually, he told me he didn’t like the gift I had gotten him and wanted me to take it back. As a parent, it’s easy to jump in with encouragement, try to show them how to do it, or tell them to keep practicing. But in that moment, I realized he didn’t need me to convince him to like the activity or push him to finish it. He needed a little space to be frustrated. I told him I understood that he was having a hard time and that he didn’t have to keep trying if he wasn’t having fun. We could put it away and try again another time. I also reminded him that his picture didn’t have to be perfect. And that got me thinking about something important: How do we teach children to keep trying when something is difficult without making them feel like they have to push through every frustrating moment?
Why Do Children Get Frustrated When Trying Something New?
Children often have a very clear idea of what they want to accomplish, even when they haven’t developed all the skills needed to do it yet. They may know exactly what they want their drawing to look like, how they want their tower to stand, or how they want their body to move. But there can be a gap between what they imagine and what they’re physically or developmentally able to accomplish at that moment. This can be especially challenging for young children who are still developing:
Think about a child trying to connect dots on a board. They may understand the goal, but controlling the marker, following the lines, and coordinating their hand movements can be harder than expected. That disconnect can lead to frustration. And sometimes, what looks like a child being difficult or giving up is actually a child who is struggling to manage the difference between what they want to do and what they can do right now.
1. Acknowledge the Frustration Before Trying to Fix It
One of the most helpful things we can do is acknowledge what our children are experiencing before jumping in with solutions. When a child is frustrated, immediately saying things like “It’s easy!” or “Just keep trying!” may not be as encouraging as we intend. To us, the task might seem simple. But to them, it’s a challenge. Instead, try saying:
This lets children know their feelings are understood without making the frustration the center of the experience. We don’t have to fix every difficult feeling. Sometimes children need us to recognize it, sit with them for a moment, and help them figure out what comes next. Huge
2. Encourage Persistence Without Forcing It
We absolutely want our children to learn persistence. We want them to understand that not everything will come easily and that trying something more than once is part of learning. But persistence doesn’t mean continuing until a task is completed, regardless of how upset a child becomes. There is a difference between encouraging a child to work through a challenge and making them feel pressured to finish something when they’re overwhelmed. We can encourage persistence by offering choices:
The goal isn’t to make children finish every activity. It’s to help them develop confidence in their ability to approach challenges, explore solutions, and try again when they’re ready.
3. Teach Children That Taking a Break Isn’t Giving Up
This is an important lesson that can be easy to overlook. Sometimes, when a child becomes frustrated, the best thing we can do is give them permission to step away. Taking a break doesn’t mean they failed. It doesn’t mean they aren’t capable. It simply means they need a moment before trying again. When children are already upset, continuing to push through may make the activity feel even more overwhelming. A break gives them an opportunity to reset and return when they’re feeling more comfortable. You might say:
Sometimes children will return to the activity on their own. Other times, they may need a little encouragement later. Both are okay. The We want children to learn that challenges are something they can revisit, not something they have to conquer in one sitting.
4. Focus on the Process, Not Just the Finished Product
Children often become frustrated when they are focused on what they want the final result to look like. They may compare their drawing to the picture in their head or become upset when their tower keeps falling over. This is a great opportunity to shift the focus from the finished product to the process of learning. Instead of only saying: “That’s beautiful! ”Try noticing what they did along the way:
We can also remind them that their work doesn’t need to be perfect. Mistakes are part of learning. Lines may go in the wrong direction, towers may fall, and puzzles may need to be taken apart and started again. That’s how children learn. We don’t want them to believe that being good at something means getting it right the first time. We want them to understand that learning involves experimenting, making mistakes, and discovering what works.
5. Know When to Help and When to Step Back
As parents, it can be tempting to jump in and show our children exactly how to do something. Sometimes a little help is exactly what they need. Other times, doing too much for them can take away the opportunity to figure it out independently. The key is finding the right amount of support. For example, if a child is struggling to connect dots, you might:
From a physical therapy perspective, this is something I think about often. We want to provide enough support to help a child experience success without taking over the task. Sometimes changing the activity, the environment, or the tools can make a big difference. And sometimes the best support is simply allowing the child to explore without expecting a particular outcome.
6. Remember That Every Child Learns at Their Own Pace
It’s easy to compare children, especially when we see another child doing something that our own child is struggling with. But children develop skills at different rates, and even the same child may find one activity much easier than another. A child who can build an impressive tower may struggle with drawing. A child who loves puzzles may become frustrated when learning to use scissors. That doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong. Pay attention to what your child enjoys, what challenges them, and what kinds of support help them participate. If a child consistently struggles with tasks that are expected for their age, or frustration is regularly interfering with everyday activities, it may be worth discussing those concerns with their pediatrician or a qualified therapist. The goal isn’t to compare children or rush development. It’s to understand what support will help each child grow.
7. Help Children Build Confidence Through Small Successes
Sometimes we make an activity too difficult without realizing it. If a child is struggling with a complicated task, breaking it into smaller steps can help them experience success along the way. For example, instead of expecting a child to connect an entire picture, start with just two dots. Once they are comfortable, add a few more. Small successes help children recognize that they are capable of learning something new. We can also offer activities that encourage problem-solving without focusing on a perfect result:
The important part is giving children opportunities to explore, experiment, and learn at their own pace.
The Bigger Lesson: We Don’t Have to Make Every Challenge a Test
As parents, we want our children to be confident, independent, and willing to try new things. We want them to understand that not everything will be easy and that it’s okay to make mistakes. But we also need to remember that learning can be hard, especially when children are still developing the physical, cognitive, and emotional skills needed to manage new challenges. We can encourage persistence without demanding perfection. We can offer help without taking over. We can teach children to keep trying while also teaching them that taking a break is okay. And perhaps most importantly, we can show them that their worth isn’t measured by how well they perform or how quickly they master something new. Sometimes the best thing we can say is: “It’s hard right now, and that’s okay. You don’t have to get it perfect. We can try again when you’re ready.”
Meet Sam!
Helping children recognize and navigate big emotions is one of the reasons I created The Sad Sloth and How He Changed His Story. Through Sam’s experience, children have an opportunity to explore emotions, recognize how they are feeling, and discover simple ways to work through big feelings. Stories can open the door to conversations that might otherwise be difficult to start. They give children a chance to see emotions through another character’s experience and begin thinking about the tools they can use in their own lives. If you’re looking for a story to help start those conversations, you can meet Sam in The Sad Sloth and How He Changed His Story. Find the book on Amazon
About the Author Marlene Mireles, PT, DPT, is a licensed physical therapist, children’s book author, and founder of Whole Motion Therapy and Wellness, PLLC. With experience supporting children and families through developmental challenges, early intervention, and parent coaching, Marlene is passionate about helping children build the skills they need to grow, gain confidence, and become more independent. Through Whole Motion Therapy and her children’s book series, Grow with Sam, she hopes to give parents and caregivers practical tools to support children’s development through movement, play, and everyday learning experiences. Learn more atwholemotiontherapy.com.
Find the book on AmazonThe Sad Sloth and How He Changed His Story.wholemotiontherapy.com.
